Tragedi 13 April

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (:

Lebih sebulan sudah berlalu. Tiba2 rasa nak menulis pasal hari itu. Kenangan tersebut. Bukan sebab rindu. Atau trauma datang kembali. Haha. Taklah. Cuma baru berkesempatan berborak dengan ummi tersayang panjang lebar mengenai hari itu. Kenangan tersebut. Dan bila bercerita balik. Oh well. No matter how much I want to forget, I just can't. So the story goes. 

Kami berlima ke bilik Encik Bak lagi hari itu. Encik Bak, kaunselor, advisor, mentor dah macam penjaga kami kat MMU ni. Mengenangkan kami semua team Pyea-Baal Cambodia sudah lama tidak bersua, dengan rancangan ke Langkawi yang asyik tertangguh, tiba2 keluar cadangan untuk ber-piknik di PD. Random. Tapi rancangan diteliti dan disebarkan. Ramai setuju. Okay, jalan. 

At first, everything went well. We found a place to stay and build our tents. Yup. Tents. punya lah nak berjimat kan :D 

Tengah hari dan petang nya kami bermain. Bola tampar. Dodgeball. Mandi laut. Banana boat. Macam-macam lagi lah. 

Dan ohh, ya. Ambik gambar. Sebanyak-banyak yang mungkin. Ye lah. Dah lama tak jumpa :)

Encik Bak, seperti biasa. Ada bersama untuk menjaga kami. Dibawa bersama isteri dan anak comelnya, Khalif. Alhamdulillah, dengan kehadiran orang dewasa kami rasa lebih selamat dan terjaga :)

Bila malam menjelma ~ 

Masing-masing sudah mengantuk bila ayam siap dibakar. Dengan mata separa terbuka, makanlah jugak untuk mengalas perut yang berbunyi. Bila dah habis makan, dah habis cuci tempat BBQ, jam menunjukkan hampir pukul 1 pagi. Semua muka dah macam zombie. Encik Bak panggil turun ke pantai. Nak cakap-cakap sikit katanya. 

Malam tu macam pelik. Kat tepi pantai tapi angin tak bertiup. Langsung. Panas membahang. Orang selalu cakap yang kalau tiada angin macam tu kat pantai, maksudnya nak ribut. Hati menolak jauh-jauh sangkaan buruk tu. "Janganlah ribut ya Allah, nanti cemana nak tidur dalam khemah".

Encik Bak menghadap kami, kami menghadap pantai. Jauhhhh di sana, dapat nampak kilat dah nak datang. "Hm, takpe kot, jauh lagi tu, tak sampai sini insyaAllah". Sambung perbicaraan bersama penasihat kami itu. Sorang demi sorang tampil ke hadapan untuk berkongsi pendapat/cadangan/pengalaman. Dalam duk sibuk-sibuk bercakap dan bergurau senda, Encik Bak tanya satu soalan. Pedas. Tiada berjawab.

And just then.

Angin laju selaju lajunya, datang terus menyapa. Oh, tak menyapa. Terus masuk rumah dengan gopohnya. In less than 1 minute, khemah kami hampir diterbangkan. 

Semua lari ke khemah tanpa arahan. 

Struggle. Untuk make sure khemah lekat di bumi. Walaupun dalam khemah masih ada beg masing-masing yang berat-berat belaka. Angin itu. Lain. Kencang. Tiada amaran. Dan masih mampu terbangkan khemah-khemah kami.

Masing-masih berpegang pada khemah. Otak ligat. "Nak buat apa dulu ni ? Move the tents ? Ke leraikan dulu ?" Encik Bak yang sudah ke atas menjenguk khemah isteri dan anaknya, menjerit kepada kami untuk cepat-cepat naik ke parking lot. Tak perlu khemah. Atau barang. Abaikan. Bawa diri sahaja naik ke atas.

Dengan otak yang memang dah takleh fikir, terus menaiki tangga menuju ke parking lot. Tiba-tiba seorang sahabat jerit, "Eh bolaaa ! Dah la dalam longkang pulak tu !" Mungkin kerana panik, takleh nak berfikir dengan waras dalam keadaan genting macam tu, amal terus turun balik ke bawah untuk ambil bola. Padahal kencangnya angin masa tu, ya Allah, rasa macam nak diterbangkan. "Bola pinjam ni, bola pinjam. Kena selamatkan jugak macam mana pun." 

Bila dah sampai ke bola dan tengah cuba selamatkan semua, seorang sahabat lelaki datang "Weh amal apa kau buat kat sini ?? Pergi naik atas !" Sumpah. Tak pernah dengar sahabat yang ini tinggikan suara. Tak pernah tengok dia marah, even. Masa tu memang rasa panik. Baru tau how serious the situation was. Oh my Allah. 

I started to cry.

In a situation like that, crying was not good. Seriously. Bila nangis lagi lah takleh fikir dengan waras. When all I needed that time was my brain to function. Bila nangis akan laaaagi panik. When all I needed was to calm down. I went upstairs, gave the balls to a friend and ran. It started raining heavily and I felt cold. So cold. And I was still crying. And it came. 

My long lost blood sister, hyper-v. 

She would come whenever I needed her the least. Whenever I was in panic. And she was of no help, at all. Thought I had gotten rid of her. 

Well sure I had not. 

Masa tu ingat kan macam nak mati dah. Sejuk. Sesak nafas. Seorang sahabat datang papah, bawa ke teduhan. Ramai lagi sahabat di situ. Semua berniat baik memang nak tolong. But I know, deep down, from their voices, their reactions, their tones, dorang pun panik jugak. Oh ya Allah. Masa tu sejuk macam nak beku. All I needed was heat but that was impossible with my soaking wet clothes. They got a car, brought me to the hospital. 

I thought my nightmare was almost over. No. It had just begun. 

I was still huffing and puffing when I reached the hospital. GH. Nearby the beach. Masuk je ke ER, a lady doctor and her assistant came to me. Her assistant was holding a form and a pen. They asked me for my IC number. Dalam kepala macam, HAH ? IC ? SERIOUSLY ? Masa tu masih sesak nafas, I couldn't even say my name. And. They asked me for my IC number. I didn't answer. No. I couldn't answer. Then the assistant started scolding me. "Adik, orang mintak nombor IC ni bagitau la. Senyap pulak dia. Macam mana kami nak buat kerja macam ni." My friends were not allowed to enter the ER so I was alone that time. Masa tu memang dah nak start nangis balik. All I could think of was my ummi. How badly I needed her that time. Or my brothers. They would have punch this guy in his face. Dengan berat, susah payah nya, I said out my IC number. Allah saja tahu betapa susahnya nak habiskan sebut 12 nombor tu. "Ha baru lah kami boleh buat kerja." And they left. 

I was left unattended. Alone. In that soaking wet clothes. For almost one hour. My breathing was back to normal alhamdulillah. Then a nurse came to me and said she needed to take my blood. I was too tired I couldn't care less. A guy came with her and started asking the nurse about me. "Ni kenapa ni ? Main pantai memalam buta ? Dah la ribut, gi main pantai buat apa. Kan dah kena." He laughed and left. The nurse didn't say anything. I figured the guy was an assistant, the one who pushed me on the stretcher earlier. 

The nurse took my blood. I had been through those kind of procedures before. But this time, it hurt more. Tapi entah lah. Mungkin ditambah sakit hati jugak. Mungkin.

After taking my blood, left me with the drip, I was left alone, again. For almost another hour. My friends were allowed to come in and see me for about 5 minutes. Nampak Syira ngan Hajar, rasa macam nak nangis lagi. I want to go back. I'd rather be in that storm with my friends, than being inside this building with these hateful people. They went out, and I was alone again. 

Baju masih basah. Tapi takde sorang pun nurse yang datang bagi selimut. Okay fine, maybe because I didn't ask for it. Then the nurse came back to me. She covered me with a cloth, not really a blanket. Then she said she needed to do a heart test. I let her do what she needed to. When she was done, she went away. Alhamdulillah. At least dah ada kain tu, bersyukur sangat2.

Masa rasa laaaambat sangat berlalu. Nak tunggu habis drip, memang sampai pagi lah kot. Masa tu dah nak masuk pukul 3. A nurse pushed a bed and placed it beside me. I turned to look who was it. Makcik. Chinese. She was wearing 3 quarter pants and sleeveless t-shirt. A machine was connected to her. "Aunty sakit apa ?" "Darah tinggi. Bila tinggi sangat kena pakai mesin ni." "Oh ye ke. Aunty tak sejuk ke ?" She was not given any blanket or cloth to cover up herself in that freezing cold air-conditioned room. I mean it. It was FREEZING cold. "Sejuk, sejuk sangat." I gave my cloth, without any hesitation. I was like, okay, at least I was fully covered and I have my socks on. As soon as I gave the cloth to her. Baru teringat. Baju, seluar, stoking, semua basah lagi. 

In my heart, I didn't stop praying so that He'll keep me warm. 

Just when I started to doze off. I heard a shout. Then it got nearer. A guy, with his friends, shouting at the doctor. "Adik saya ni, dah lebih sejam dalam ni. Takde orang pun datang attend dia. Hospital ke apa ni ???" I recognised the sick brother. He was brought in just a few minutes after me. And was not attended until that very moment. "Eh kalau adik saya ni mati kejap lagi siapa nak jawab, siapa ???" he was getting more aggressive. The doctors on duty that night were all lady doctors they did not dare to shout back or to answer, even. The sick brother was begging the guy to stop yelling. He pulled his brother out of the ER. Just when I thought the scene had ended, the guy budged into the ER again. "Mana IC adik aku, mana ???" He shouted again. A guy nurse went to him, and he said something. Wrong move. It made things worse. Shouting prolonged for the next 15 minutes. I almost thought that they would end up into a fight, until the security came in and brought the guy out. I was shocked. Everybody was. But no one, not the nurse, neither the doctors, came to any of the patient to calm us down. Nahh. They were scared themselves. I was more tired than shocked, I decided to sleep. 

I was okay, for at least the next hour, then I started shivering. The shiver that even shook my bed. Sejuk macam kt South Pole =.= Ada nurse lalu depan katil. I asked him if I could have any blanket or cloth. "Takde dik, dah habis. Ha tengok. Aunty pun guna cadar, bukan blanket". And dia pergi. Begitu sahaja. And I didn't stop shivering. At that moment, I decided I needed to get out of this ER. I swore I'd rather be outside with my friends. 

Lepas gaduh-gaduh sikit dengan nurse, trying to convince her that I was okay enough to go out, then she called the doctor. Okay lah, doktor lepaskan. Dengan ubat tahan sakit (err ?). Tapi kali ni, nurse dan doktor tu cakap dengan lembut. Maybe takut ada orang mengamuk macam tadi ? heh. Husnuzhon amal, husnuzhon. I think they were just tired. It was almost 4am. Well, everybody was.

I went back to the camp site, everything was here and there. Macam baru lepas ribut taufan, serius. My friends forced me to sleep inside the car because it was too cold outside. I slept for a while, until Subuh came. Seriously, that was the most awaited morning in my whole life. Ever. I had never longed for a morning as I had that night. The longest night in my life.

Usai subuh, masing-masing berkemas untuk balik. Penat. Tak cukup tidur. Semua ada. Tapi sebab mereka semua hebat-hebat, mereka gagahkan diri untuk mengemas. I felt so bad for sleeping in the car. I should have been in the cold with them :( untuk hilangkan rasa bersalah yang takkan hilang, I helped them to pack up things. Fold the wet tents. Get ready to go back to our shelters. 

Entry panjang lebar ni ditulis bukan saja-saja nak buat hiburan semata. Banyak ibrah yang amal dapat daripada tragedi 13 April.

Amal tahu yang Allah bukan turunkan ribut tu tanpa bertujuan. Mungkin untuk menguji persahabatan kami. Kekuatan kami. Dah 5 kem, dah ke Kemboja bersama. Tapi kami tidak pernah diuji sekuat ini. Mungkin ini ujian. Allahu.. 

Atau mungkin kami terlalu bersuka ria hingga kami alpa. Hari yang berlalu pergi tanpa memikirkan masalah ummat. Ingin berehat kononnya. Padahal "sukaria" tak wujud dalam kamus hidup seorang dai'e. Mungkin ini balasan. Allahu..

Dan untuk para doktor di luar sana. I know your job is not easy. We all know that well enough, trust me. But bear in mind, your job is to ease the pain of the patients. Trust me, your warm smile, gentleness, tenderness, would have simply shove the pain away, something not even the medicine could do. Or it would have even KILL your TIREDNESS. The grumpier you are, the more tired you would be. Be gentle, like our Rasulullah SAW ;) Not because you're a doctor, but simply because you're a Muslim. 

This is a very long post I wasn't hoping anyone to read. Just a little something so that I would never forget. 13 April 2013.