How to handle your final year

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim :) 

Alhamdulillahhh, finally done with one of the toughest week so far T_T Somebody should have warned me that final year is THIS tough ! Lecturers have tinggi melangit macam KLCC kind of expectation on us since we just came back from our internship. And seriously, final year is super, super tiring. But nevertheless, it is still a good semester so far. Had our first presentation today and alhamdulilah, it was good ;D  But hey, it's only week 6, I am not even halfway done. Pray for meee ! 

There are a few things that I have been doing to keep my chin up in the midst of all the pressure. It may not work on everyone but hey, you will need to survive your final year too ! :P 

1. Indulge in nature

Nature has always been a therapy for me. Be it a slow jog by the lake, or just taking photos of beautiful bright flowers my neighbour owns, I always find that nature's beauty brings a sense of calmness in me. Had a stressful day ? Look at the sky at 6.45 pm ! ;D 

My neighbour's flowerrr, isn't it a beautyyy :) 

2. Food therapy

I have a habit of forgetting to eat whenever I get too busy. Food therapy in my sense does not mean go-to-a-buffet-and-eat-all-you-want. I just think that after all the hard work, everyone deserves to eat something good ^_^ Sometimes I'll just go back home and cook my favourite food or drag my buddy to eat out somewhere nice. But anyhow, do not over eat yea ! :P 

No caption needed :P 

Mushroom goreng (almost my staple food, that's how much I love it !)

3. Study buddies

This is VERY important. Since final year is so tough, it really helps if you have friends taking the same course. And it becomes a lot lot helpful if you are in the same classes. Assignments and everything is going to be super difficult so having someone trustworthy in your group will help to avoid headache. Trust me.

Syarina and Mia, we are in the same classes for almost all subjects (nak muntah dah rasa :P)
And of course, my food therapy buddies too :P 

4. Spend time with kids

I'm lucky to have three niblings now, and luckier that they live nearby. But fret not, if you do not happen to have one, just go and spend time with a random kid in the park :P Spending time with them is a therapy too, because no matter how annoying they get, they are still cute. And annoying. And funny. And that makes me happy ^_^

But yea, too much of them may result to a more severe depression though :P 

Abang long the bam bam

5. Getaway

Sometimes when I got too stressed out, I would ask my buddies to take me away somewhere just to clear up my head for a while. When you have too many things in hand, a getaway works best, to take some time to ponder on your work and manage your priorities. I found this hard to do at home / in campus since all the work is in front of you and you would want to do everything right away ! So yea. Go away from your workplace, and THINK ! :)

Mira, Mia and me at Laman Seni 7, Shah Alam. A haven for the art lovers! ;D

6. Go back to Allah SWT 

I put this as my final point so that this will be the last thing you read from this blogpost and insyaAllah, the one that you will remember the most :) Sometimes we got to caught up with our worldly affairs that we tend to forget the real purpose of our existence. We tend to forget that we are just creations, and we are actually obliged to make our Creator happy with our deeds. We tend to forget that the prayer is a mean for us to gain some strength, not something burdensome for us to attend. That the Quran is a revelation, and the best medicine to cure our heart's disease. And depression, is, a heart's disease. We are human, and we always tend to forget. 

That is why, it is wrong for us to be too busy that we do not have time to perform our prayer with khusyuk. Too busy that we do not even have time to read up our Quran. That is just, so wrong. After all, we are here to serve Allah SWT. And after all, those are the strength that we need and have been looking for !

Some people have different ways of remembering Allah SWT. But the best part of all is that, you do not even need to find a way. He is there. Everywhere. And all the time. 

<3 <3 <3

So, talk to Him :)

There goes. May Allah SWT gives us strength to survive the final year, and our final days, insyaAllah ;) 

10 Tips for Future Interns

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim :) 

So alhamdulillah, I have just completed my internship last August. I think the working life was really tough, and I am glad that MMU made it compulsory for us to carry out our industrial training. At least we got the sneak peek of it ! *and appreciates uni life more ;)*

A few juniors have been asking me questions regarding the internship, and seriously, we were as clueless before so I didn't mind answering them. But to make it easy and to benefit more people, I listed here the 10 things you need to know before you start your internship. More like, 10 things I wished people have told me about internship before I started. Haha !

1) Make sure your resume is perfect !

I really mean it, PERFECT ! This is the only document that you are going to use to 'sell' yourself. Some companies may arrange interview sessions or have their own online application, but most of them don't. So your email / application letter and resume must be really impressive. You don't really need to include every single thing that you have done in your campus, just put your best achievements, that will do. "Simple and Sweet" really applies here. My counselor in school once said that a good resume is only one page long. Take time to produce a perfect resume, as you will be using it again after you have graduated. There are a lot of samples on the internet, and you may also refer to your seniors / lecturers  / counselors. Although creative resume is getting popular these days, I believe that it really depends on the company that you are applying to. Recheck your resume 1000 times. Ask your friends and lecturers to check and review. It is also advisable to include your contact details both in your email and resume.

2) Research on the company that you are applying to

For audit interns, I advise you to first decide whether you are going to apply to big / medium / small firm. If you are aiming to impress future employers, interning in Big 4 might help. But trust me, when they say you will learn more in medium / small firms, it is true. As they have less employees, I have seen my friends doing audit work for 4-5 clients at one time. Whereas in Big 4, you will be engaged to one client at a time (for audit interns) as most of their clients are giants of their industries. It will help if you first decide which one you prefer. Next, read up about the company. Customise each email, do not send the same email to all the companies you are applying to. By reading up about the company, you may include in your email the reasons you want to have your internship there, they will be impressed ! You may also ask your seniors that have done their internship in your targeted companies regarding their experience.

3) Know when to apply

Most people say that you need to submit your application latest by 3 moths before you start. This also depends on the company that you are applying to. Take PwC for example (as I did my intern there), I sent my application months before but received no reply at first as they were busy selecting interns for the batch before me (they have monthly intakes). But ! Late application may also cause you difficulties, as you need to also fight with the students from other universities to secure a place. Hence, as I mentioned, you need to know when to apply. 

4) Prepare for interviews

Once you have submitted your application, always be aware of phone calls. Some of them might even engage you in a phone interview ON THE SPOT. It is nerve-wrecking (it was for me !), hence you need to always be prepared and expect this. Some of the companies arrange interview session for future interns. It helps if you can find any senior that had their internship there so that you are mentally prepared for the interview especially on how it will be conducted. 

5) Update your logbook EVERYDAY

So once you have started your internship, I personally advise you to have a small notebook that you can carry all the time. If you are sooo busy to update your logbook (that will be given to you by your intern coordinator, where you need to type and submit to your manager every week), this notebook will serve that purpose. You can write all the tasks for that day whenever you have the time. If you jot down your update everyday, the logbook will be the easiest part of the final report. 

6) Take the chance to learn as much as possible

Be brave to speak out. Tell your seniors to give you more work because you want to learn more. Even if you are not assigned to that particular senior, just take up the job, given you have the capacity. The only way to learn is by doing. Expect printing, copying, scanning jobs. While doing all those, you can actually try to read up the document and learn from that too ! And if you are a major introvert (like me !), this is the only way for you to get to know people and for people to get to know you, as you may find it difficult to just get in the crowd for no reason.

7) Do not be intimidated by others

You and your friends will have different experiences during this internship period. Some of them might learn more than you, might be engaged with more clients, might know more seniors. In my case, I was assigned to the GST department. I have always wanted to do audit so at first I was a bit demoralised listening to my friends' experience. But hey. It is okay to have different experience compared to your friends, so do not ever feel intimidated. What you get, is what best for you. If you have tried your best, there is no reason to feel so ! 

8) Create network

Take the chance to know more people. Talk to the seniors, other interns. Do not just live in your own world in the office. It will help you a lot in completing your tasks. And who knows, one fine day you might meet them again in this corporate path !

9) Scholars ! Remember that you have extra money !

This is just a friendly reminder. If you are a scholar, you might want to check with your scholarship provider whether they have extra allowance for interns or not. And if they do have, what are the procedures to claim it. This might help pay your transportation and super expensive food at your workplace.

10) Do your report wholeheartedly

I do not think I can comment much on this as the final marks for my internship has not yet been announced (pray for me !). As this takes up the largest percentage of your internship marks, you might want to really invest your time (and money) to complete this report. Trust me, if you have written all the things you did in those 6 months, this will not be a problem. I strongly advise for you to check the guidelines for the report (usually similar to previous years) BEFORE you finish your intern. Sometimes, the information required in the report are only accessible by the employees of the firm. Therefore it will be helpful to look through the guidelines and collect the information while you still have the access to it.

To wrap this up. Some of the memories during my internship in PwC :) 

The geniuses and I during our last day of internship.

Mini games conducted by the HR dept, and they gave us lots of snacks ! 

Intern reception
- where they gathered all the interns and there were more than 100 of us ! 

That is all that I can think of now, hope this little effort can help in starting your journey ! All the best ! ;D 

Kisah Sihat Sebelum Sakit, Hidup Sebelum Mati

Assalamualaikum wbt (:

Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT mengizinkan masa, mengizinkan ilham untuk menulis lagi. Rindu jugak nak berkongsi kat sini, but asif, idea itu bukanlah sesuatu yang datang dengan senang setelah memetik jari.

Petik jari. Petik jari. Nope. Not any.

Okay, dah mengarut.  

So the story goes. A few weeks back, I was admitted to the hospital due to asthma and bad cough. Saaaangat terkejut masa tu serius tak tipu sebab sepanjang hidup Amal, tak pernah sakit sampai kena admit ward. I had asthma when I was in primary school, tapi kalau kena attack pergi hospital kena neb sekali then, okay ! Boleh kembali berjimba bersama kengkawan. Tapi kali ni, dah neb 2 kali dalam masa 2 hari, tapi masih tak berhenti. And oh, masa ni dah masuk second week of study break (MMU bagi study break 2 minggu for this sem).

Memula tu of course lah reluctant nak pergi hospital. Kalau Doktor decide untuk tahan kat ward, burn begitu sahajalah study break beta. Risauuu, sangat risau. Because seriously, this semester was one of the toughest yet T_T tapi atas nasihat Ummi, terpaksalah akur, hospital it is.

Doctor was shocked hearing how bad my cough was. Neb again. X-ray. Injection. So yupp. Memang kena admit. I posted about it in my Instagram, NOT hoping for sympathy, but really, it was a few days till final exam and I need lots and lots of prayers. To get well, and to do well in exam. Konon bawak buku ke hospital, but heh, once dah inject ubat, memang mata tertutup rapat.

Eh pantun dua kerat :P

Empat hari dihabiskan di hospital dan Alhamdulillah, I felt better. Doktor nak tahan sampai weekend tapi berjaya buat muka kesian minta simpati and I was back in MMU on Friday. Study time ! zzzz.

IBRAH DARIPADA KAMAR HOSPITAL

1)      Sihat sebelum sakit

Kan Amal kena asthma, ya Allah seriously, sangat-sangat sukar untuk baca al-Quran masa tu. Sedih bila satu nafas tu hanya mampu baca 2-3 kalimah. Masa tu sangat down, so akhirnya just baca dengan cara yang termampu.

Masa tu memang tetapkan nekad dalam hati. “Bila aku sihat, aku nak baca al-Quran banyak-banyak”.

Sama jugak dengan solat. Nurse ada cucuk kat tangan untuk masukkan drip (rujuk gambar diatas). Boleh je nak stopkan drip sekejap untuk solat, tapi everytime stop kena panggil nurse, and bila dah stop and nak start balik drip tu akan rasa sakit sikit. So Ummi cadangkan untuk solat duduk and tak perlu bukak drip. Kan kita tahu, setiap pergerakan tu ada hikmah dia. After two days, seriously, I really miss performing the rukuk, and sujud. Alhamdulillah, drip tu di-stop selepas dua hari camtu.

Masa tu memang nekad dalam hati, “Bila aku sihat, aku nak sujud sepuasnya”.

2)      Hidup sebelum mati

During the first week of the study break, I went back to Kelantan for my brother’s wedding. Asthma came in the morning that I was supposed to depart back to KL. Mulanya Ummi tak bagi balik KL yet, tapi atas sebab-sebab tertentu, and sebab exam pun dah nak dekat, terpaksa digagahkan untuk pulang. Tapi on the way balik tu, jalan sangat-sangat jem till we took 13 hours to reach KL. So bayangkanlah, dalam kereta, bertahan dengan asthma tu selama 13 jam. Serius, memang tak stop wheezing langsung all the way. And yang paling sedih, bila borak-borak dengan my friends dalam kereta, diorang tak boleh buat lawak or gelak cause I’ll be laughing too and that’ll just make the cough worse. And masa tu tak boleh terlelap, sebab susah nak bernafas.

And takut. Kalau tiba-tiba tak boleh bernafas. Langsung.

Masa tu memang reflect all the things that I have done, or the things that I have not done. Takut ? Yupp, memang takut. Sebab kita ni kadang-kadang tak sedar. Mati tu dekat. Sebab kita tak tau bila. So dia sangat dekat. Sangat. Mungkin tengah berbaring atas katil sambil tengok Instagram artis-artis feveret, then pintu diketuk.

Malaikat maut tanya, “Kamu dah bersedia ?”  

Kita pun jawab, “Belum la Encik Malaikat. Datang balik lagi 20 tahun eh. Bagi saya kumpul ilmu kumpul amal dulu. Eh eh eh ? Jzkk Encik Malaikat”.

PFFT. NO !

Bila Allah SWT arahkan Izrail untuk cabut satu nyawa, TIADA satu daya upaya pun untuk hentikan Izrail.

Again. Mati itu dekat.

Tapi SEPATUTNYA kita tak takut mati. Pernah dibincangkan dengan kakak dalam bulatan gumbira. “Bila masa terbaik untuk mati ?”, tanya kakak. Kitorang keluar laa macam-macam jawapan sendiri. Tapi kakak tak jawab minggu tu. Dia kata, nanti dia bagi jawapan, suruh kitorang fikir dulu.

Beberapa minggu lepas tu, kakak tanya lagi, siapa yang dah tau jawapan dia. Semua senyap, memang tak tau. “Masa terbaik untuk mati adalah sekarang.”

Eh. Nak kena bunuh diri ke ?

Oh no. Maksudnya, kita kena sentiasa MENJAGA IMAN PADA TAHAP TERTINGGI. Sebab tu para sahabat Rasulullah SAW, mana yang takut mati !

Pergh. “Jauhnya aku..”

Masa tu memang nekad dalam hati, “Selagi aku hidup, akan aku hidup untuk Allah”.

IBRAH DARIPADA KAMAR RUMAH

Allah SWT itu, ar-Rahman.

Bila kita terlupa, Dia ingatkan.

Dia buat kita sakit, atau Dia turunkan ujian.

Bila kita terleka, Dia tarik tangan kita.

Dia letak bersama sahabat-sahabat yang soleh.

Bila kita alpa, Dia ketuk pintu hati kita.

Dia turunkan rasa rindu pada Dia.

Bila kita berfoya, Dia hilangkan 239 orang yang kita tak kenal.

Supaya kita muhasabah, kita mungkin berada antara mereka.

Tapi kita di sini, kenapa ?

Kita sentiasa lupa,  tapi Allah SWT sentiasa mengingatkan. Cuma kita yang sudah faham, kita perlu berusaha untuk cari cara dan sentiasa INGAT. Sebab mungkin, satu hari nanti, Allah SWT decides not to remind anymore, but instead, to send Izrail over. Astaghfirullah. 

Istiqamah, jawapannya.

Wallahua’lam.

P/S: I'd like to thank the person who sent me to the hospital and took care of me for 2 nights. I'd like to thank Ummi for taking care of me the following 2 nights. I'd like to thank those who came to visit. Those who brought me to the clinic. Those who sent prayers from afar and in silent. Those who wished me well in texts and in Instagram. Hope Allah SWT will repay all of you wonderful people with His astounding rewards (: 

Lets pray for MH370, shall we ?

Sesat ke sesak

Rasa nak menulis.

Tapi tak tau nak tulis apa.

Ambil gambar. 

Yang indah rasa macam tiada. 

Nak menagis. 

Tapi nanti bazir air mata. 

Rasa macam nak jerit pun ada. 

Nanti orang kata gila. 

Pernah jugak terasa nak lari. 

Tapi nanti orang panggil pengecut. 

Atau, putus asa. 

Islam tak ajar umat dia buat macam tu. 

Tak nak dengar apa orang kata. 

Tapi dunia sekarang macam tu semua. 

Rasa, nak balik jumpa ummi. 

Tapi MMU tak cuti deepavali. 

Pernah rasa macam dah tak nak fikir. 

Tapi Allah dah bagi otak. 

Nak duk bawah tempurung sorang-sorang.

Pernah rasa jugak. 

Tapi aku bukan katak pulak. 

Kadang-kadang rasa sesat. 

Dan sesak. 

Macam, nak buat ni. 

Eh tak boleh. 

Kita manusia, kena buat ni. 

Kita Islam, kena ikut ni. 

Kita anak, kena buat yang ni. 

Kita student, kena pergi sini. 

Or, kita student rep, kena maki macam gini2. 

Eh. Ni pilihan sendiri. Komplen banyak buat apa. 

Kena kembali. 

Ke. 

Pangkal. 

Sejadah. 

Don't tell me to be strong. My strength will bring me nowhere. Pray to Allah to lend me His strength. Only with that I can go everywhere. 

Little gifts from Him

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (:

I once had a good camera, but I have never appreciated the little things that Allah drew for us on His huge canvas; Earth. Now, I'm trying, slowly, to capture His drawings that'll make you go like, "Oh, Subhanallah" ;) It's not so much of the photography skill, no. I only use my phone camera now. It's, the little things we sometimes missed ;)

Sweet looking flower.

Moon, covered by the amazingly arranged clouds. 

Little flowers I found in Janda Baik. 

It's autumn in Malaysia !

Beautiful morning :) 

Scary black clouds when it was about to rain. 

View of Putrajaya from Cyberjaya at night. 

 

Putrajaya

Before the dawn ;) 

The beautiful clouds.

Okay thats for now I think :) Don't judge my photography skills please :P but instead, be amazed on how wonderful His creations are. Subhanallah :) 

Pada saat mulut berbicara

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (: 

Cuba teliti dan perhati semua blog-blog yang kita follow, memang sebenarnya ada berapa kerat je blog yang benar-benar konsisten. Yang selalu hapdet dengan penuh semangat dan istiqamah. Antaranya, ermm, bukanlah blog ini. Haha ofkos. 

Nak katanya, untuk memulakan sesuatu, memang susah. Nak mula bertudung labuh. Atau menulis blog. Atau jadi kakak usrah. Atau belajar mengikut jadual. Susah. 

Tapi nak tahu apa yang lebih susah ? Istiqamah. 

Rasanya dah pernah mention dalam post-post sebelum ni. Istiqamah ni memang something yang super difficult, hanya manusia yang extraordinary mampu buat. Yes. Memang ada orang yang mampu buat. So, kenapa bukan kita ? 

Muqaddimah untuk menghentam diri sendiri yang dah lama tak hapdet blog berakhir di situ. 

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So hari ni nak cerita pasal bicara. This lately kita tengok ramai je yang dah jadi makin baik. Semua orang pakat share status-status yang baik kat FB. Gambar-gambar yang menginsafkan kat Tumblr. Alhamdulillah. And ramai juga yang dah mula berjinak-jinak untuk join usrah. Juga. Alhamdulillah :)

Tapi kadang-kadang kita lupa, dalam kita berbicara, dalam kita menyampaikan nasihat, sebenarnya, hati pertama yang Allah akan uji adalah hati kita sendiri. Allah will not let you by after you say something, without testing you on what you have said. 

Been there. A lot of times. 

Sebab tu dalam bulatan gumbira pun kita diajar untuk beramal dulu dengan apa yang kita cakap, then only kita sampaikan. Atau. Kita sampaikan sambil-sambil berazam untuk turut buat apa yang kita perkatakan. Tapi situasi kedua lebih bahaya. Takut-takut kita pun tak mampu buat sebenarnya. 

Contohnya. Kakak A bagitau adik-adik bulatan dia, "Kita ni, kena tutup aurat dengan sempurna". Padahal kakak A pun pakai tudung nipis jarang nampak tengkuk. Tapi kakak A berazam untuk berubah bila dia kata sebegitu. Trust me, Allah will test kakak A on that, and it's not going to be easy. 

Or. What happened to me. Hari tu berpeluang untuk bagi sharing kat adik-adik. Then I talked about "Kebergantungan kepada Allah". Wallahi, the whole week I was tested JUST ON THAT. 

So be careful with your words. Allah will not let you by after you say something, without testing you on what you have said. Remember. 

Wallahua'lam. 

Stress

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (:

I was having a major headache for the past few days. That kind of dizziness that I couldn't even walk straight. I couldn't even walk home from class without stopping to sit down once, twice. Or even thrice sometimes. Yup. That kind. 

So I went to the clinic. The doctor diagnosed me. Checked my BP. Everything was OKAY. Eh ? Then I asked him whats wrong with me. He said "I think you're having too much stress." 

Then he started to give me lecture on how bad my stress is. Or How I shouldn't, even, feel, stressful at all. Or the fact that I am having that "golden period" of my life (being 21 and all), I should be enjoying myself. 

Because what's coming in the near future is worse. Work. Family. 

Erm. . . . Scary. . . . 

Nahh. I don't think I'm depressed. I'm okay. Lack of sleep. Or too much sleep sometimes. But I don't think 'stress' is the problem. 

Then he said, "But your kind of stress is good, it makes you work harder." 

Hm, work harder. Let me think. . . 

Before he let me go, he said, "But at the end of the day, we Muslims are different. We have our God. He will take care of us. At least we are clinging to something REAL. We are praying to the God that can help us. We're going to be fine because we have our God."

Now that's a plus point for this doctor :) thumbs up ! 

But oh well. I am not, stressful at all. Yes, of course there are problems here and there but I don't think those problems caused my dizziness. Well whatever the reason is, the doctor was correct. I have Allah. Worrying, is something that you would do when you have nothing to put your hopes to. 

I have Allah. I have problems. And I'm still dizzy now. But I am not worried. Because I have Allah ;) 

Tragedi 13 April

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (:

Lebih sebulan sudah berlalu. Tiba2 rasa nak menulis pasal hari itu. Kenangan tersebut. Bukan sebab rindu. Atau trauma datang kembali. Haha. Taklah. Cuma baru berkesempatan berborak dengan ummi tersayang panjang lebar mengenai hari itu. Kenangan tersebut. Dan bila bercerita balik. Oh well. No matter how much I want to forget, I just can't. So the story goes. 

Kami berlima ke bilik Encik Bak lagi hari itu. Encik Bak, kaunselor, advisor, mentor dah macam penjaga kami kat MMU ni. Mengenangkan kami semua team Pyea-Baal Cambodia sudah lama tidak bersua, dengan rancangan ke Langkawi yang asyik tertangguh, tiba2 keluar cadangan untuk ber-piknik di PD. Random. Tapi rancangan diteliti dan disebarkan. Ramai setuju. Okay, jalan. 

At first, everything went well. We found a place to stay and build our tents. Yup. Tents. punya lah nak berjimat kan :D 

Tengah hari dan petang nya kami bermain. Bola tampar. Dodgeball. Mandi laut. Banana boat. Macam-macam lagi lah. 

Dan ohh, ya. Ambik gambar. Sebanyak-banyak yang mungkin. Ye lah. Dah lama tak jumpa :)

Encik Bak, seperti biasa. Ada bersama untuk menjaga kami. Dibawa bersama isteri dan anak comelnya, Khalif. Alhamdulillah, dengan kehadiran orang dewasa kami rasa lebih selamat dan terjaga :)

Bila malam menjelma ~ 

Masing-masing sudah mengantuk bila ayam siap dibakar. Dengan mata separa terbuka, makanlah jugak untuk mengalas perut yang berbunyi. Bila dah habis makan, dah habis cuci tempat BBQ, jam menunjukkan hampir pukul 1 pagi. Semua muka dah macam zombie. Encik Bak panggil turun ke pantai. Nak cakap-cakap sikit katanya. 

Malam tu macam pelik. Kat tepi pantai tapi angin tak bertiup. Langsung. Panas membahang. Orang selalu cakap yang kalau tiada angin macam tu kat pantai, maksudnya nak ribut. Hati menolak jauh-jauh sangkaan buruk tu. "Janganlah ribut ya Allah, nanti cemana nak tidur dalam khemah".

Encik Bak menghadap kami, kami menghadap pantai. Jauhhhh di sana, dapat nampak kilat dah nak datang. "Hm, takpe kot, jauh lagi tu, tak sampai sini insyaAllah". Sambung perbicaraan bersama penasihat kami itu. Sorang demi sorang tampil ke hadapan untuk berkongsi pendapat/cadangan/pengalaman. Dalam duk sibuk-sibuk bercakap dan bergurau senda, Encik Bak tanya satu soalan. Pedas. Tiada berjawab.

And just then.

Angin laju selaju lajunya, datang terus menyapa. Oh, tak menyapa. Terus masuk rumah dengan gopohnya. In less than 1 minute, khemah kami hampir diterbangkan. 

Semua lari ke khemah tanpa arahan. 

Struggle. Untuk make sure khemah lekat di bumi. Walaupun dalam khemah masih ada beg masing-masing yang berat-berat belaka. Angin itu. Lain. Kencang. Tiada amaran. Dan masih mampu terbangkan khemah-khemah kami.

Masing-masih berpegang pada khemah. Otak ligat. "Nak buat apa dulu ni ? Move the tents ? Ke leraikan dulu ?" Encik Bak yang sudah ke atas menjenguk khemah isteri dan anaknya, menjerit kepada kami untuk cepat-cepat naik ke parking lot. Tak perlu khemah. Atau barang. Abaikan. Bawa diri sahaja naik ke atas.

Dengan otak yang memang dah takleh fikir, terus menaiki tangga menuju ke parking lot. Tiba-tiba seorang sahabat jerit, "Eh bolaaa ! Dah la dalam longkang pulak tu !" Mungkin kerana panik, takleh nak berfikir dengan waras dalam keadaan genting macam tu, amal terus turun balik ke bawah untuk ambil bola. Padahal kencangnya angin masa tu, ya Allah, rasa macam nak diterbangkan. "Bola pinjam ni, bola pinjam. Kena selamatkan jugak macam mana pun." 

Bila dah sampai ke bola dan tengah cuba selamatkan semua, seorang sahabat lelaki datang "Weh amal apa kau buat kat sini ?? Pergi naik atas !" Sumpah. Tak pernah dengar sahabat yang ini tinggikan suara. Tak pernah tengok dia marah, even. Masa tu memang rasa panik. Baru tau how serious the situation was. Oh my Allah. 

I started to cry.

In a situation like that, crying was not good. Seriously. Bila nangis lagi lah takleh fikir dengan waras. When all I needed that time was my brain to function. Bila nangis akan laaaagi panik. When all I needed was to calm down. I went upstairs, gave the balls to a friend and ran. It started raining heavily and I felt cold. So cold. And I was still crying. And it came. 

My long lost blood sister, hyper-v. 

She would come whenever I needed her the least. Whenever I was in panic. And she was of no help, at all. Thought I had gotten rid of her. 

Well sure I had not. 

Masa tu ingat kan macam nak mati dah. Sejuk. Sesak nafas. Seorang sahabat datang papah, bawa ke teduhan. Ramai lagi sahabat di situ. Semua berniat baik memang nak tolong. But I know, deep down, from their voices, their reactions, their tones, dorang pun panik jugak. Oh ya Allah. Masa tu sejuk macam nak beku. All I needed was heat but that was impossible with my soaking wet clothes. They got a car, brought me to the hospital. 

I thought my nightmare was almost over. No. It had just begun. 

I was still huffing and puffing when I reached the hospital. GH. Nearby the beach. Masuk je ke ER, a lady doctor and her assistant came to me. Her assistant was holding a form and a pen. They asked me for my IC number. Dalam kepala macam, HAH ? IC ? SERIOUSLY ? Masa tu masih sesak nafas, I couldn't even say my name. And. They asked me for my IC number. I didn't answer. No. I couldn't answer. Then the assistant started scolding me. "Adik, orang mintak nombor IC ni bagitau la. Senyap pulak dia. Macam mana kami nak buat kerja macam ni." My friends were not allowed to enter the ER so I was alone that time. Masa tu memang dah nak start nangis balik. All I could think of was my ummi. How badly I needed her that time. Or my brothers. They would have punch this guy in his face. Dengan berat, susah payah nya, I said out my IC number. Allah saja tahu betapa susahnya nak habiskan sebut 12 nombor tu. "Ha baru lah kami boleh buat kerja." And they left. 

I was left unattended. Alone. In that soaking wet clothes. For almost one hour. My breathing was back to normal alhamdulillah. Then a nurse came to me and said she needed to take my blood. I was too tired I couldn't care less. A guy came with her and started asking the nurse about me. "Ni kenapa ni ? Main pantai memalam buta ? Dah la ribut, gi main pantai buat apa. Kan dah kena." He laughed and left. The nurse didn't say anything. I figured the guy was an assistant, the one who pushed me on the stretcher earlier. 

The nurse took my blood. I had been through those kind of procedures before. But this time, it hurt more. Tapi entah lah. Mungkin ditambah sakit hati jugak. Mungkin.

After taking my blood, left me with the drip, I was left alone, again. For almost another hour. My friends were allowed to come in and see me for about 5 minutes. Nampak Syira ngan Hajar, rasa macam nak nangis lagi. I want to go back. I'd rather be in that storm with my friends, than being inside this building with these hateful people. They went out, and I was alone again. 

Baju masih basah. Tapi takde sorang pun nurse yang datang bagi selimut. Okay fine, maybe because I didn't ask for it. Then the nurse came back to me. She covered me with a cloth, not really a blanket. Then she said she needed to do a heart test. I let her do what she needed to. When she was done, she went away. Alhamdulillah. At least dah ada kain tu, bersyukur sangat2.

Masa rasa laaaambat sangat berlalu. Nak tunggu habis drip, memang sampai pagi lah kot. Masa tu dah nak masuk pukul 3. A nurse pushed a bed and placed it beside me. I turned to look who was it. Makcik. Chinese. She was wearing 3 quarter pants and sleeveless t-shirt. A machine was connected to her. "Aunty sakit apa ?" "Darah tinggi. Bila tinggi sangat kena pakai mesin ni." "Oh ye ke. Aunty tak sejuk ke ?" She was not given any blanket or cloth to cover up herself in that freezing cold air-conditioned room. I mean it. It was FREEZING cold. "Sejuk, sejuk sangat." I gave my cloth, without any hesitation. I was like, okay, at least I was fully covered and I have my socks on. As soon as I gave the cloth to her. Baru teringat. Baju, seluar, stoking, semua basah lagi. 

In my heart, I didn't stop praying so that He'll keep me warm. 

Just when I started to doze off. I heard a shout. Then it got nearer. A guy, with his friends, shouting at the doctor. "Adik saya ni, dah lebih sejam dalam ni. Takde orang pun datang attend dia. Hospital ke apa ni ???" I recognised the sick brother. He was brought in just a few minutes after me. And was not attended until that very moment. "Eh kalau adik saya ni mati kejap lagi siapa nak jawab, siapa ???" he was getting more aggressive. The doctors on duty that night were all lady doctors they did not dare to shout back or to answer, even. The sick brother was begging the guy to stop yelling. He pulled his brother out of the ER. Just when I thought the scene had ended, the guy budged into the ER again. "Mana IC adik aku, mana ???" He shouted again. A guy nurse went to him, and he said something. Wrong move. It made things worse. Shouting prolonged for the next 15 minutes. I almost thought that they would end up into a fight, until the security came in and brought the guy out. I was shocked. Everybody was. But no one, not the nurse, neither the doctors, came to any of the patient to calm us down. Nahh. They were scared themselves. I was more tired than shocked, I decided to sleep. 

I was okay, for at least the next hour, then I started shivering. The shiver that even shook my bed. Sejuk macam kt South Pole =.= Ada nurse lalu depan katil. I asked him if I could have any blanket or cloth. "Takde dik, dah habis. Ha tengok. Aunty pun guna cadar, bukan blanket". And dia pergi. Begitu sahaja. And I didn't stop shivering. At that moment, I decided I needed to get out of this ER. I swore I'd rather be outside with my friends. 

Lepas gaduh-gaduh sikit dengan nurse, trying to convince her that I was okay enough to go out, then she called the doctor. Okay lah, doktor lepaskan. Dengan ubat tahan sakit (err ?). Tapi kali ni, nurse dan doktor tu cakap dengan lembut. Maybe takut ada orang mengamuk macam tadi ? heh. Husnuzhon amal, husnuzhon. I think they were just tired. It was almost 4am. Well, everybody was.

I went back to the camp site, everything was here and there. Macam baru lepas ribut taufan, serius. My friends forced me to sleep inside the car because it was too cold outside. I slept for a while, until Subuh came. Seriously, that was the most awaited morning in my whole life. Ever. I had never longed for a morning as I had that night. The longest night in my life.

Usai subuh, masing-masing berkemas untuk balik. Penat. Tak cukup tidur. Semua ada. Tapi sebab mereka semua hebat-hebat, mereka gagahkan diri untuk mengemas. I felt so bad for sleeping in the car. I should have been in the cold with them :( untuk hilangkan rasa bersalah yang takkan hilang, I helped them to pack up things. Fold the wet tents. Get ready to go back to our shelters. 

Entry panjang lebar ni ditulis bukan saja-saja nak buat hiburan semata. Banyak ibrah yang amal dapat daripada tragedi 13 April.

Amal tahu yang Allah bukan turunkan ribut tu tanpa bertujuan. Mungkin untuk menguji persahabatan kami. Kekuatan kami. Dah 5 kem, dah ke Kemboja bersama. Tapi kami tidak pernah diuji sekuat ini. Mungkin ini ujian. Allahu.. 

Atau mungkin kami terlalu bersuka ria hingga kami alpa. Hari yang berlalu pergi tanpa memikirkan masalah ummat. Ingin berehat kononnya. Padahal "sukaria" tak wujud dalam kamus hidup seorang dai'e. Mungkin ini balasan. Allahu..

Dan untuk para doktor di luar sana. I know your job is not easy. We all know that well enough, trust me. But bear in mind, your job is to ease the pain of the patients. Trust me, your warm smile, gentleness, tenderness, would have simply shove the pain away, something not even the medicine could do. Or it would have even KILL your TIREDNESS. The grumpier you are, the more tired you would be. Be gentle, like our Rasulullah SAW ;) Not because you're a doctor, but simply because you're a Muslim. 

This is a very long post I wasn't hoping anyone to read. Just a little something so that I would never forget. 13 April 2013. 

"Maaf, saya tak layak"

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (:

Oh. Amal baru sedar yang amal akan update belog ni when I have a strong feelings towards something; be it rage, sadness, or happiness. I can't write when the day seems normal. 

Err. Kay. 

So ha. Adalah si Fulaniah ni (nama dirahsiakan), apabila ditanya oleh kawannya si Fulanura. Ikuti perbualan. 

Fulanura: Fulaniah, dengar cita Abu suka kat hang. Untung lah hang, si Abu tu selalu azan kat masjid MMU tu, jadi imam dah biasa. Bawak usrah pulak tu ! aish, alhamdulillah, mesti hang bahagia ngan dia nanti. *mata bersinar-sinar*

Fulaniah: Errr, errr. Takleh la weh. Aku, aku tak layak untuk dia. Aku biasa je. Jadi imam pun gagap2 lagi. Pakaian pun tak se-muslimah mana. Mana layak..... 

Fulanura: Abih tu ? Hang tolak pinangan dia ??

Fulaniah: Haah. Harap dia jumpa yang lebih baik. Aku, tak layak. 

Kisah Fulaniah dan Fulanura habis di situ. Kita ikuti pula kisah James dan John.

James: Wahh, semangatnya aku PRU kali ni ! Aku mengundi kali pertama ! :D Aku tak sabar nak undi pemimpin yang mengamalkan Islam. Aku bermimpi, Malaysia ni betul2 jadi negara Islam insyaAllah ! *mata bersinar-sinar seperti Fulanura*

John: Eleh. Pemimpin yang amalkan Islam konon. Kita ni rakyat yang tak mengamalkan Islam mana pun. Mana layak kita nak ada pemimpin2 gitu. Lain kalilah James.

James: So kau give up?

John: Bukan give up. Aku cuma rasa rakyat Malaysia masih tak layak nak ada pemerintahan berlandaskan Islam, sampailah kita betul2 amalkan Islam. Ha gempak tak hujah aku. 

James: *terkesima*

...

Oh ya Allah. 

Sebenarnya amal tulis post kali ni sebab amal penat. amal penat dengar ayat "Maaf, saya tak layak." Cuba cakap lagi gitu depan amal, amal humban dalam longkang. 

Urgh. 

Amal tau, for sure, siapa2 lah yang baca post ni, mesti mimpikan syurga kan. Kan kan kan ? tipu lah kalau ada orang sanggup masuk neraka. So bila kalian aim syurga, kalian aim yang paling rendah ke paling tinggi ? (sebab syurga dikatakan banyak level kan)

Fulaniah dan John: Setakat mana yang saya layak jelah kot.

Fulanura dan James: Paling tinggi like duhhh ! Kami nak bernaqibkan Rasulullah :') 

Dalam menggapai syurga itu, ada ke orang macam Fulaniah dan John tu ? "Mana2 pun takpe, asalkan syurga." Sorry to say but amal rasa orang2 yang tak aim tinggi macam ni, PEMALAS.

Sebab bila dia tak berharap pada yang PALING bagus, dia takkan berusaha sekuat orang lain. Dia letak limit kat usaha dia. Orang yang aim paling tinggi, usaha pun TINGGILAH ! 

Got it ? 

Jadi bila kita kata "Maaf, saya tak layak", kita seakan cakap yang "Maaf, saya malas nak usaha lebih untuk dapat yang terbaik."

Ya Allah. Geramnya. 

Kemon la weh. Kita orang Islam. Yang bermaruah. Kita dididik dengan pelbagai kisah sirah yang hebat2 belaka. 

Adakah Rasulullah SAW akan pergi berperang sana sini takluk wilayah dan sebarkan Islam kalau baginda tak aim tinggi ?
Bayangkan Rasulullah cakap, "Takpelah, 313 ni pun dah cukup ramai ni. Ni takdir Allah."

Adakah Al-Fateh akan susun strategi dan train tenteranya bermati-matian kalau dia tak aim tinggi ?
Bayangkan Al-Fateh kata, "Konstantinople ? Tak perlulah, kita duk senyap2, usrah dalam istana ni je."

Kita. Perlu. Aim. Tinggi. 

Dalam belajar, kita perlu aim untuk A+, bukan lulus semata ! Dalam usrah pulak, kita kena aim jadi penggerak, tak cukup jadi pengikut sahaja ! Dalam beribadah, aim buat segala bagai yang sunat, tak cukup yang wajib buat belaka ! Walhal dalam semua hal lah ! 

Sahabat-sahabat sayang. 

Kita dulu hebat. Pernah conquer 2/3 dunia kot. Dengan mindset macam ni, tidak target yang terbaik, kita, serius, takkan sampai balik ke zaman kegemilangan tu.

2/3 ? Takyah lah. 1/1000 pun dah cukup. 

Ni mentaliti orang Islam ?

Ketuk kepala, ketuk iman. Wallahua'lam.